Domestic Violence by Darnell 2.0 (thetalentedfifteen.blogspot.com)

*This is the republishing of a discussion board post on the FB group "Emerging Leaders of the Church of God"*

Ok I must admit I do some of my best thinking brushing my teeth. I was brushing my teeth and did what I always do when I brush, think of random issues from the day. So I brush a little more and thought about the destruction of 2 young people in the media, singers Chris Brown and Rihanna. I know they are not exactly the Gaithers or Winans, but their story of domestic violence is a story that play out tragically in and out of the church. Unfortunately, the church has not always come out on the side of Holiness when it comes to the subject of domestic violence. I have heard the horror story from the saints young and old from multiple denomination. We can look at Juanita Buynam as a quick frame of reference. I write this post not to beat up on the church b.c. thats not my aim but to ask the question what is the self esteem of our young women in church and our communites?

When you look over the net and read up on this Chris Brown and Rihanna saga, you find young woman bashing her as if she punched herself in the mouth. It is crazy. The media is not helping the situation by releasing photos further embarassing her. Any women who has been abused or raped will say they just want it to quietly and quickly go away. Okay, I must give a disclosure. I am a grandson of a woman who was abused for years by men under the ordination of the church's teaching of men being the head of the house. I have enjoyed the effects of the abuse. I digress. Any how, many young girls and adults have made the young lady Rihanna the blame. This is snarky tone of conversation can be heard in churches, not just the net, when it comes to abuse. I have heard it from other Christians in other situations with church members or friends. The scary thing is this argument is happening at the same time young girls/women domestic violence is on the rise. This in my mind shows the deep self hate that sits with young women.

Check these facts:
• Women between the ages of 16 and 24 experience
the highest per capita rates of domestic violence.2
• Nearly 80 percent of teenage girls who are abused
remain in the abusive relationship.3
• 40 percent of teenage girls know of someone who
has been beaten by her boyfriend.4
• 30 percent of all teenage girls who are killed are
killed by a boyfriend or former boyfriend.5

*info via- http://www.cwlc.org/files/docs/policy_brief_teen_dating_violence.pdf

Just remember amongst us are women who sit mentally and physically abused from a Patriarchal society that has enabled men to treat women to sit as a second class citizens. Church what can we do to reverse this? Should we do more besides expanding the same church rhetoric?

Look Outside The Box (written 12/31/08) by herownbeat

If you walked by me on the street, I wonder what you would think of me. Would you think differently if you saw me on Sunday instead of Wednesday or Saturday? Who are you to judge me? You don't know me.

My parents and I would always have an ongoing discussion about my outward appearance. Is that what you’re going to wear? Put some makeup on. Don’t you think your makeup is too bright? When are you going to relax your hair? Why is your hair that color? Oh my…a tattoo!!! What are people going to think??? Is that really all that I am?

Who am I? I recently participated in an exercise in which I had to give three words to describe my identity. Do you know how difficult it is to describe yourself in just three words? I’m ever-changing, evolving into something greater. Aren’t we all though, or at least, shouldn’t we be?

First and foremost, I decided that a Christian should describe my identity. That is the essence of who I am. Without God, I am nothing. Christianity is the foundation of my morals and values.

Then, I said I am unique. There’s none other like me. I march to the beat of my own drum. Why should I conform to the way that others think that I should be? I am the same person every day of the week – whether you see me in my church clothes, my business attire or my casual wear. My looks…my appearance doesn’t change who I am. That is internal, and you can only discover that by getting to know me.

And finally, I said diverse. While you may see a black female when you pass by, that is not all there is to me. Who are you to look at me and say that you know me? Do you know that I had a multicultural upbringing? Do you know that I have traveled to several countries? Do you know that I can speak more than one language? Do you know my outlook on life? Do you know my goals and dreams? Do you know anything that I have already achieved?

I have been blessed with an array of experiences and opportunities since I was a little girl. I refuse to let the world put limitations on me just because of what they see on the outside. This is not 1909, 1929 or 1959. This is 2009 and you will not box me in. I no longer understand the meaning of your looks and your stares.

I have a renewed faith in our country after this past election. I came to college in DC to become a political maven, but I became so disenfranchised with the good ol’ boys club. I never thought I would see the day that a black man would be elected president in my country. Yet, Barack Obama was not elected due to his race or ethnicity. The citizens of the United States looked beyond the surface…they looked outside of the box and envisioned the good that he could do for our country and the world.

So as we begin the new year, I ask you to look outside the book. Make it your resolution to release preconceived notions and stereotypes. Don’t allow the labels that others put on you become a hindrance in reaching your goals. In the same vein, stop judging others. Don’t think you know people based on their appearance – no matter if they have a different hair color, tattoos, piercings or just too strait-laced for you. That very person could be the key to moving you to the next level. In 2009, there should be no more ceilings and no more boxes. The only limitations will be self-imposed.

Child Support (Part 2):How to avoid child support (a.k.a. Saving the baby daddy)

(see Child Support (Part 1): Why men shouldn't have to pay)

I can most definitely feel the frustration of the baby daddy while sitting in that barbershop. Yet along side the many voices from the barbershop, I can hear all the ladies I have ever met in my mother beauty shop screaming. Their high pitch screeches fills up the echo chamber I call my head with the screams of, "That's some straight up bull...”. There is nothing I want less than multiple woman screaming at me, let alone one. So I wouldn’t talk to these voices, I decided to do something. Since being a ‘pleaser’ is my leadership style (get your mind out the gutter), I thought of some solutions to this problem. So here it is!

The Top 10 things men can do to avoid their child support

1. Go on Maury. Right as they zoom in on you make sure you pray, cross your fingers, and hope that Maury says, “YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!”

2. Go to jail. You can really get her back for taking all your money. She won’t even get a dirty dime from you. That’s how you show her. You will still have your 3 meals a day, play basketball, and still lift weights. That’s what’s up! Who cares you can’t drop the soap. You'll save that Geico type money.

3. Support equal pay for equal work. A woman still makes 77% less than what a man earns, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. For every dollar men earned in 2006, African American women were paid just 64 cents; Hispanic women earned 52 cents. The more money she makes the less you need to pay. Discrimination has to stop. The more money she has the less she has to come to you for money. This maybe a fantasy, but what if she made so much money she’d stop dealing with you?

4. Don’t have sex with people you can’t afford. Do I even need to explain?

5. Say you have a pending lawsuit. This does not have to be TRUE! Tell her you slipped and fail in McDowells (the golden arcs) while talking to Akim. Explain to her you are just waiting on your settlement. You have to make sure you tell her to be patient because the owners son-in-law is a Prince from Africa. It takes time for the Prince to sell his pet elephant Babar for cash. Emphasize that she should not take you to court because she will get more money in the long run.

6. ABSTAIN! (Father)

7. ABSTAIN!! (Son)

8. ABSTAIN!!! (Holy Ghost)

9. If numbers 6, 7, and 8 falls through, use a condom. (This statement going to get me in a whole lot of trouble certain people, but I’ll deal with it when it comes. These words are my words and my words only.) Lets be real. People have sex. Condoms are not fail proof, but does lowers the chances of pregnancy and disease. I would love to say it is easy to abstain from sex. I would also love to say you will never make a mistake by having sex outside of marriage ( It should be your aim. God and your wife will honor you for it. Advice I wish I would have digested properly as teen). Like my mother says to my brother, “It only takes one time to make a baby or to receive another gift that keeps on giving.” That is with or without the condom.

10. Stay with her. Or how bout this…(drum roll please)… Marry Her!
My sources (Alecia and Janell) say that it is not about a karat but the karats. Spend 3-6 stacks at Jared's sooner or 130-190 stacks in court later. The grass may be greener on the other side, but you don’t know how much it cost to keep the grass that green.

I will end with advice from the blues singer Johnny Taylor:

"When your little girl makes you mad,
And you get an attitude and pack your bags,
Five little children that you're leavin' behind,
Son, you're gonna pay some alimony or do some time"

"That's why it's cheaper to keep her"

Child Support (Part 1): WHY MEN SHOULDN'T PAY!

Every time I go to the barbershop I hear men talking about how their baby mommas are running them raged. Lets run down the facts that would piss you off if you had to pay child support.

Top 5 reasons men hate paying child support.
1. They don’t see where the money goes.
2. ‘She only doing it to get me back.’
3. ‘She don’t let me see the child when I want.’
4. They can’t afford to live, let alone pay child support.
5. 'She tricked me. She said she was suppose on birth control.'

Lets be honest. Men who have to pay child support hate to pay it. They are always going in and out of court. The judge keeps increasing their support payments. While I was sitting in the barber’s chair one Saturday, I became a little frustrated myself after hearing the epic tales of the BABY MOMMA. I feel for these guys. They told me how every time they think they are getting ahead the baby momma comes to trying to pull him down by his pockets. The whole system is against these good men. They go to court and they judge ain’t telling her to go get another job. I bet you they tell him to get one. He is not allowed by her or the system to have any type of say so in any decisions. She gets all the power. And after all that, the system is not done screwing the baby daddy. The baby momma and/or the system wants to put him in jail for being late and/or not paying child support. Let them not find the baby daddy they then want to put his picture on a billboard like he some criminal.

That ain’t right. These men did nothing but share their affections and excitement with these cold heart humans we call females. All they want to do is to keep the black man down. The crazy thing about this is women are letting them (the system) use them to hurt the baby daddy. This is worst than black on black crime. Then the President has the audacity to talk down to these men as if it is their fault he does look more responsible. He should know better. Barack Obama Sr. had it right. Love the ‘Motherland’, but don’t have babies with sista‘s from there. That way she won’t be a mother or a mutha…well you get the drift.


(see Child Support (Part 2): How to avoid paying child support

Antiquated Learning

I love new information. I love the ideas and structure of one expressing themselves in complete complex literary thought. My normal night tends to be watch Tavis Smiley then go to bed. My friends call me an old man b.c I do this routine every night. But I watch in hopes to learn something without having to read a book. It's not that I can't read but for years it has been labor to read. Tonight Tavis is interviewing a man named John Cochran who was illiterate until he was 48 . Now I know reading is sometimes difficult for me but 48 years without reading, WOW! Not only could he not read, but he went to college and was a high school teacher.
The more he talked the more insecure I became within myself. I felt his fustration. I felt his embarassment within. As a child reading was very hard. They thought I had a learning problem. I went to speech classes. I got better as I praticed to slow down my brain. I was smart but few tried to understand how I learned. I wasn't the best student but b.c I was nice I got second chances to do work and moved up, yet I never truly learned.
I hated reading but loved words. I couldn't pronounce them correctly. A dictionary became my friend. My teachers cared but didn't understand I was weak. I didn't understand many concepts but was smart enough to figure out patterns to give the teachers to get a grade. I was learning but learning to get over. I was good. I won spelling bee's and everything. Yet it was not until my 7th grade year that I really learned to read. My 7th grade teacher, Ms Hardin, taught me how to not just say words but understand what I'm reading. context clues. She spoke my language. She was fluent. She didn't care about the formality and structure of learning, but cared I was comprehending the information and able to apply it.
In education do we care more about the principles of how we teach and learn? Or do we care if what we are teaching is applicable to the learning? How bout no more grade levels? Radical? Exactly! How about we teach until the student gets it? Promote by subject not grade.
The idea of Applicable learning does not dismiss the fact a student shouldn't have a grasp of a concept by a certain time period. Yet the idea of Applicable learning encourages a child to grow as fast as they can in the development of known strengths. This would enable educator focus on targeted learning program. The students stays and gets help and is able to develop a foundation of strength in known weakened areas( i.e. I'm great in math and suck in reading. I'd advance faster in my math matrix. But would slowly work out the kinks in my reading matrix. I would move up in my reading matrix once I had a full grasp of the area. This would not hold me back from advancing in math.).
The idea that from fall to spring we should have learned everything is a farce. We all learn a different speeds depending on the area. We spend more time fighting our learning insecurities( which retards our strengths) while trying strengthen a strength. It takes too much energy. Moving from grade to grade intellectually is lopsided. This learning paradigm is the reason students give up on school and learning. What is really being learned? Nothing! We can help this by tag team teaching. Specialized learning with lesson plans developed around what every teacher is teaching about. For example math can talk about linear lines. They could incorporate the history teachers lesson on Roman weaponry. And the science teacher could talk about kinetic energy of shooting an arrow from a bow. Some schools and programs already do this, but it should be done in a broader measure. This enables a child to have context in his/her learning. We damage brilliant thinkers by only distributing info and say learn. But learn how they learn and then teach. We then create a foundation for a student to launch into their own galaxy.