I can most definitely feel the frustration of the baby daddy while sitting in that barbershop. Yet along side the many voices from the barbershop, I can hear all the ladies I have ever met in my mother beauty shop screaming. Their high pitch screeches fills up the echo chamber I call my head with the screams of, "That's some straight up bull...”. There is nothing I want less than multiple woman screaming at me, let alone one. So I wouldn’t talk to these voices, I decided to do something. Since being a ‘pleaser’ is my leadership style (get your mind out the gutter), I thought of some solutions to this problem. So here it is!
The Top 10 things men can do to avoid their child support
1. Go on Maury. Right as they zoom in on you make sure you pray, cross your fingers, and hope that Maury says, “YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!”
2. Go to jail. You can really get her back for taking all your money. She won’t even get a dirty dime from you. That’s how you show her. You will still have your 3 meals a day, play basketball, and still lift weights. That’s what’s up! Who cares you can’t drop the soap. You'll save that Geico type money.
3. Support equal pay for equal work. A woman still makes 77% less than what a man earns, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics. For every dollar men earned in 2006, African American women were paid just 64 cents; Hispanic women earned 52 cents. The more money she makes the less you need to pay. Discrimination has to stop. The more money she has the less she has to come to you for money. This maybe a fantasy, but what if she made so much money she’d stop dealing with you?
4. Don’t have sex with people you can’t afford. Do I even need to explain?
5. Say you have a pending lawsuit. This does not have to be TRUE! Tell her you slipped and fail in McDowells (the golden arcs) while talking to Akim. Explain to her you are just waiting on your settlement. You have to make sure you tell her to be patient because the owners son-in-law is a Prince from Africa. It takes time for the Prince to sell his pet elephant Babar for cash. Emphasize that she should not take you to court because she will get more money in the long run.
6. ABSTAIN! (Father)
7. ABSTAIN!! (Son)
8. ABSTAIN!!! (Holy Ghost)
9. If numbers 6, 7, and 8 falls through, use a condom. (This statement going to get me in a whole lot of trouble certain people, but I’ll deal with it when it comes. These words are my words and my words only.) Lets be real. People have sex. Condoms are not fail proof, but does lowers the chances of pregnancy and disease. I would love to say it is easy to abstain from sex. I would also love to say you will never make a mistake by having sex outside of marriage ( It should be your aim. God and your wife will honor you for it. Advice I wish I would have digested properly as teen). Like my mother says to my brother, “It only takes one time to make a baby or to receive another gift that keeps on giving.” That is with or without the condom.
10. Stay with her. Or how bout this…(drum roll please)… Marry Her!
My sources (Alecia and Janell) say that it is not about a karat but the karats. Spend 3-6 stacks at Jared's sooner or 130-190 stacks in court later. The grass may be greener on the other side, but you don’t know how much it cost to keep the grass that green.
I will end with advice from the blues singer Johnny Taylor:
"When your little girl makes you mad,
And you get an attitude and pack your bags,
Five little children that you're leavin' behind,
Son, you're gonna pay some alimony or do some time"
"That's why it's cheaper to keep her"
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